In a shocking revelation, industry experts have declared that the secret to success in retail lies not in cutting-edge marketing strategies or innovative products, but in something far more…crappy: dog poop.

That’s right, folks. The key to unlocking the hearts (and wallets) of consumers is to tap into the unbridled enthusiasm of dog lovers. And we’re not just talking about any old dog owners – we’re talking about the die-hard, poop-bag-carrying, slobber-towel-wielding fanatics who will stop at nothing to pamper their furry friends.

“We’ve analyzed the data, and it’s clear: dog owners are the ultimate retail suckers,” said market researcher, Jane Smith. “They’ll buy anything for their pets, from ridiculous dog costumes to absurdly expensive dog accessories. And we mean anything.”

The numbers are staggering:

• Dog owners outspend parents on babies by a ratio of 3:1
• Mother’s Day sales pale in comparison to the annual “National Spoil Your Dog Day” (which, surprisingly, is a real thing)
• Valentine’s Day sales spike by 20% due to last-minute dog-gift purchases (because, let’s be real, your significant other can wait, but Fido can’t)

Retailers are cashing in on the trend, offering an array of absurd products, including:

• Canine cologne (because your dog’s natural scent just isn’t cutting it anymore)
• Doggy treadmills (for the pup who needs to stay active during the winter months)
• Personalized dog food bowls with Swarovski crystals (because your dog’s mealtime deserves a touch of luxury)
• Doggy yoga mats (for the pup who wants to perfect their downward-facing dog)

As one retailer quipped, “We used to think the key to success was finding the perfect product-market fit. But it turns out, it’s just finding the perfect dog-themed product.”