In a stroke of genius, the Transportation Security Administration (TSA) has unveiled their latest plan to keep America’s skies safe: annoyance and delay. And the underlying logic is brilliant: terrorists are just too darn impatient to deal with long lines and frustrating security protocols.

Think about it: your average terrorist is probably someone who likes to get things done quickly and efficiently. They’re all about making a statement, causing chaos, and getting in and out. But what’s the one thing that can foil their plans? A long, slow-moving line, of course!

Under the new strategy, passengers can expect to encounter an array of exciting new delays, including:

• Longer lines, because who needs to make their flight on time anyway?
• More invasive screenings, because a little humiliation is a small price to pay for safety
• Bin machines for ape behavior assessments

And the best part? Terrorists will be so frustrated by the wait that they’ll just give up and go home. No more trying to sneak explosives onto planes or plotting nefarious schemes. They’ll be too busy tapping their feet and checking their watches to bother.

As the TSA says, “We’re not just protecting America’s skies, we’re protecting America’s sanity. One delay at a time.”

So the next time you’re stuck in a never-ending security line, just remember: it’s all part of the TSA’s clever plan to keep you safe from those impatient terrorists. And if you’re lucky, you might even get to enjoy a bonus delay or two! After all, as the saying goes, “you can’t rush a good thing”… or a good security screening.